I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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