If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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