Just fell off a train. Bad.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
