Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
