see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I want to be your penis for a week.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My vagina is very pro this idea
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