just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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