trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize