so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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