so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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