I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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