I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
