he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
