talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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