i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yo dont text me then not text me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
