Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
