I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i've created a new STD.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
