At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
