If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize