I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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