We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
