Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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