I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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