Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Still dying that you shit outside
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
