i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
