Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
