The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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