He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
