He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
