You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
