So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
