It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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