i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
