your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
