I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
