My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
