the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
