I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize