so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
