there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
