he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
