I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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