I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
