The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
