dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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