I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
