so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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