hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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