You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
