Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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