I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
