i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
please come you make the beer taste better
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
