Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
