Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
