This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
