I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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