Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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