our cab driver is having phone sex.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
