Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
