Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I touched a dick in church today
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
