My friends, they love my intelligence
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize