I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
