Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize