Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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