There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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