you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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