He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How external is "for external use only"?
whose ass print is on the piano?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize