Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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