My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
