I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
