drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
