Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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