your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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