Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
