i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
