His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
