actually, I'm a sock model
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize