You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
