I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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