I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
