have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
