Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
