Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
