HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
