The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Randomize
