Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
