Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
