Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
