The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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