Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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