I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
