I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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