Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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