be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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