Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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