D3 body, D1 cock
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
