I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He passed out mid-signature
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
