do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
