you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
